


Unbelievably Fuckable Oddity

by Daktasinsanity



Series: U.F.O. [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alien Character(s), Alien Cultural Differences, Aliens, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Confusion, Cultural Differences, M/M, Mating, Modern AU, Sex, Weirdness, kinda humourous I guess, meant to be stupid, weird story overall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-12
Updated: 2014-05-16
Packaged: 2018-01-21 07:51:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1543220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daktasinsanity/pseuds/Daktasinsanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren hears a weird sound coming from nearby and goes to investigate. He finds something he never thought he would: an alien.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea more or less when I went outside to the outdoor toilet and heard weird noises and stuff.  
> Oh yes I was supposed to claim that I wrote this when I was drunk. Maybe I was..  
> This is not supposed to make much sense xD

 

Eren cursed as he stumbled. He was walking around the house to take a leak without anyone making silly comments about his willy. Some people could be so immature and there were a few among his friends. Since it was warm summer evening he saw nothing wrong in doing this. Who cared if he peed on some poor plant? He could be doing it a favour by gracing it with his fertile urine!

 

He stopped by a little tree that looked like it really needed it. Humming to himself as he peed he suddenly heard a weird sound.

 

He stopped to listen to it, forgetting to tuck his dick back in his pants momentarily as he stood absolutely still. It sounded as if someone was whistling but then every now and then the sound made almost inhumane jumps. Eren tried to decide if he should go and get someone to listen as well or if he should just go off and search for the source. The sound was not coming from afar if he was right.

 

He cursed again as the sun had set an hour ago and it was getting darker by the minute. He would need to go now if he wanted to find out what was making that sound. He noticed to safe his dick from mosquitoes, zipping the fly as he walked into the thicket.

 

The sound was coming somewhere from a near by clearing. Eren tread lightly, trying not to stampede his way towards whatever it was that he was trying to find. Moving branches out of the way carefully not to get hit in the face, Eren took a few more steps until he stopped to listen. He was close, really close.

 

There!

 

The sound was coming just a few meters to his left. Of course there was a big bush in his way that prevented him from seeing what the source was. He noted that it was eerily quiet. There was no other sounds but the weird whistle every one in a while. Suddenly feeling extremely alone Eren opted even turning back and asking Mikasa to come with him but he was so close.

 

The sound went off again. He was too curious. He needed to see what it was that had disturbed his peaceful moment alone. He tentatively took the last few steps around the bush. He almost stumbled backwards when he saw the source of the sound.

 

“Oh my fucking shit no this is..” he rambled nonsense, not believing his eyes at all. “What the fuck,” he said out loud as he grabbed hold of the nearest tree trunk to keep himself upright.

 

There behind the bush was lying a man. If it had been just some drunk weirdo, Eren would have understood but this man was naked. Not only was he in his birth suit but the sound that Eren had been hearing was coming from an object lying on his stomach.

 

Eren gulped as he looked at the stranger. Where the hell had this guy come from? His feet were clean, there was absolutely no way he had walked here. There were no clothes anywhere near him, only some sort of fabric that he was lying on. Besides, for someone to walk around naked he was awfully pale. The summer sun would have tanned him at least a little bit. As far as Eren knew, there was nothing but fields out there and no one else lived anywhere near this small forest.

 

Eren crept closer as he finally found his courage. He needed to check if the guy was even alive and if there was a way to shut off that noise the object made. Eren pressed his fingers on the man's jugular vein and let out a breath of relief. There was a healthy pulse underneath his fingers. “Hey,” he nudged the guy's shoulder. It was odd how warm the guy was. If he had been out here for longer than it took Eren to find him, then he should have been colder.

 

Eren looked at the small object that was emanating the whistling sound. It was about the size of a cellphone, not buttons, no markings. As soon as he took it in his hand, a light flashed across the surface and with one beep the object went silent.

 

Eren had no time to wonder about it any further when the guy groaned, apparently waking up.

 

“Hey, are you alright?” Eren asked as soon as the person opened his eyes and fixed his gaze on him. The strange man blinked a few times, disoriented. Eren was slightly worried that maybe he had hit his head or something.

 

Eren repeated the question and this time the guy answered, “Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?” as if his state was normal. What normal was there about this situation? The man sat up, rolling his shoulders.

 

“Erm, why are you out here?” Eren asked carefully.

 

“Isn't that obvious?” the man looked at Eren as if he had lost his marbles. Eren wasn't so sure he actually hadn't lost them somewhere along the way here. Maybe this was all just a hallucination?

 

The strange man took a good look at him from head to toe or at least to his knees since Eren was kneeling next to him. The man hummed, taking hold of Eren's jaw, tilting his head to the side as he inspected him for some reason. “Looks good so far,” the guy said more to himself than to Eren.

 

Then his attention was drawn to Eren's shirt. The man pinched the fabric of Eren's shirt between his fingers. “What is this?”

 

“I don't know, cotton maybe?” Why was the guy asking about his shirt? But there was more pressing matter to attend to.

 

“Cotton,” the man mused, fiddling with the fabric.

 

“Where are your clothes?”

 

“My what? I have everything I need.”

 

“Clothes.” Maybe the guy had a bad hearing. “You have no clothes.”

 

The stranger looked at him, confused. “Is that some sort of tradition in these parts?”

 

“What? No! Everyone wears clothes. You will freeze if you don't,” Eren said as he came to the conclusion this guy was insane. “Besides it's illegal to walk around naked.”

 

“That's absurd.”

 

There was a brief silence between them. The guy was still peering at his clothes like there were somehow insulting him.

 

Eren needed to find out who to the hell this guys was. “Where are you from?”

 

“Canada,” came a curt answer.

 

“Canada? But...” Eren trailed off thinking this man was truly insane. If he really was from Canada, he was far from home. “When did you get here?”

 

“I landed yesterday.”

 

Landed? “But the nearest airport is way back in the city. That's miles from here,” Eren said the last part more to himself than to the stranger as he tried to figure out how the man had gotten all the way here in a day or less.

 

“Airport? You have ports made out of air?”

 

Eren stared at the guy and his weird question. “Are you high?”

 

The guy looked insulted. “High? Are you referring to my height?”

 

Eren was completely lost at this point of the conversation. “Look, why don't we go back to the house and I'll call the police. Maybe they can help you home or wherever you are going.”

 

“I'm not going anywhere,” the man said confused.

 

“But you do want to go home, right?” Eren asked just as confused.

 

“Eventually yes but obviously not yet. What's wrong with you?”

 

“Wrong with me?” Eren asked incredulously. “You are the one sleeping naked in the woods in middle of nowhere!”

 

“Don't shout. It's unattractive.”

 

Eren gaped at the man. He sighed and tried a different question. “So what are you doing here then if you don't mind me asking?”

 

The man stared at him like he had grown a second head. The he tilted his head, narrowing his eyes. “Are you sure you were not dropped on your head as child?”

 

Oh to hell with this, Eren thought and played along. “Yes, I'm pretty sure I was not dropped.”

 

“Does stupidity run in your family?”

 

“What? No!”

 

“Good, that's a relief.”

 

“What does that even have to do with anything?!”

 

“It has everything to do with this!” the man lost his cool, coming to his wits end apparently. “You have to be the worst partner I've ever had for mating.”

 

“What?”

 

“Oh no, don't tell me you don't even...”

 

“I don't what? What the hell are you talking about?”

 

“You answered my mating call. Surely you know what happens after that.”

 

“What call...” Eren trailed off as he realized that the whistling sound was most likely what the man meant. “Oh my fucking god. You must be kidding me!”

 

The man looked as much upset as Eren was. “Unbelievable. Of course I had to get some brat who is still wet behind the ears.” The man got up on his knees, grabbed Eren's head between his hands.

 

“What..” Eren started to ask when the man leaned closer. He realized the man was trying to kiss him. Eren panicked and he pushed him away. “What the hell!” Eren sprang up to his feet and ran. He didn't care about the branches scratching him as he dashed through the thicket back towards his home. He didn't stop to look back to see if the man was following him.

 

Eren made it back to the house. His friends looked at him funnily as he darted from behind the corner, across the yard to them and looked behind him as if something was chasing him.

 

“Eren, mate, you ok?” Connie asked when Eren sat down on the front steps of the house, out of breath.

 

“Yeah, gimme a minute,” he panted out. While his heart thundered away inside his chest, he thought of the weird encounter in the woods. How would he explain this to his friends without sounding like a lunatic? He definitely would not go back there.

 

Armin sat next to him. “Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah yeah, I just thought I saw something and got spooked.”

 

Jean laughed. “Oh man, you are such a pussy.”

 

“Shut up,” Eren snapped back at him. He had no energy to fight at the moment. He was sure he had just broken some kind of speed record while running back.

 

The matter was dropped after that. Only Jean mocking him a few times but Eren let it be. He was more worried about the stranger who lurked in the woods. He seriously hoped that the guy would go back the way he had came. Eren had to admit he was worried, just a tiny bit, about the man surviving out there without any clothes but then he remembered how he had seemed to be just fine without them.

 

It was a few hours later that people started to go inside and get ready for bed. Eren had given his room to their guests and was sleeping on the living room couch. The hard surface made him miss his big bed that now was in use of his friends. They had been having a barbeque get-together. People had brought what they wanted to eat and drink, most of them got drunk. Eren hoped no one ended up puking in his room.

 

He tossed and turned for an hour before sleep claimed him. He must not have slept for long when he suddenly woke up to a weird feeling. Someone was groping him. Well not exactly groping but feeling him up. Eren prayed to the gods as he opened his eyes to see no other than the stranger. He was about to yelp but the man clapped a hand over his mouth.

 

“Hello, Eren.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the conclusion to this weird story.

Eren stared at the man his eyes wide. How the hell was he here? The door should be locked and there was no spare key outside. Okay there was but he doubted this guy would have found it just like that.

 

“You left so suddenly earlier that I was worried you meant to abandon me.”

 

Eren hummed his affirmative answer.

 

“You know you cannot break the mating bond once it's been initiated.”

 

Eren furrowed his eyebrows. Was this guy serious? No he could not be. He must be still high from whatever drugs he was taking.

 

“By the way, you look much better without that weird cotton on you.”

 

Was the guy checking him out? Besides how does someone get rid of a intoxicated person? Eren didn't remember reading a guide about that. He would check next time he was online but that wouldn't help him right now, would it?

 

“Although you are still wearing some.” The man pushed his hand over Eren's boxer covered dick.

 

Suddenly the situation seemed a lot more real than it had about five seconds ago. Eren quickly grabbed hold of his hand, pushing it away. This was not what he had signed up for. Even though the stranger was not that bad looking but that was besides the point! One does not just sleep with strangers no matter how attractive they are!

 

“You are one persistent brat,” the man growled, moving his hand away from Eren's mouth, claiming it quickly with his lips. The sudden act made Eren gasp in surprise which gave the stranger an opportunity to stuck his tongue into his mouth. The man's tongue felt hot, much hotter than it should have and rougher too. Soon after his tongue had invaded Eren's mouth, Eren started to feel weird.

 

As in, he felt aroused, even though he was against this very idea just a few seconds ago and he could not stop himself from kissing the man back. His body moved on it's own and before he even realized fully what he was doing, he was having the best make out session of his life with this strange man.

 

“I lied,” the man said when they parted. “That _was_ initiating the mating bond.”

 

Eren's whole body felt warm, a tingling sensation spreading down his arms and legs as he panted. The man kept looking at him, his gaze much softer now than it had been before.

 

“What did you do to me?” Eren asked trying to keep his mind from wandering into much more inappropriate things that his body demanded him to do.

 

“I just told you.”

 

Eren tried to comprehend what he had been told. Something about mating? But that made no sense! He gasped when the man's hand found his underwear covered dick again. Yes, it would be easy to give into things and ask questions later, right?

 

“You seem to be ready,” the man murmured.

 

Things were moving a bit too fast for Eren. He did not even know this man's name! Eren moaned out loud as he felt much more sensitive than he had ever felt. “Wha-what's your name?” he managed to gasp out. The kiss had definitely done something weird to his body.

 

The man licked Eren's neck, kissing his skin, whispering into his ear, “Levi.”

 

“Levi,” Eren moaned.

 

“That's right,” Levi's hot breath washed over Eren's skin and his hand had wormed its way into Eren's boxers.

 

“Fuck, I'm gonna cum if you don't stop.”

 

Levi hummed retreating his hand. “That would be unfortunate.” But that did not prevent him from helping Eren out of the boxers. “There's something only you can do for me, Eren.”

 

“How do you know my name?” Eren asked since he could think a bit more clearly now that Levi was not touching him intimately.

 

“I heard you talking with your friends.”

 

So Levi had followed him. Eren didn't want to know what bush he had been hiding in. The whole idea of this naked man peering at them from underneath some bush seemed hilarious and weird.

 

“We don't have all night,” Levi stated and so he latched his lips onto Eren's once more.

 

The weird sensation returned in full-force. Eren did not fight the urge to flip them over and for the first time he managed to get a moan out of his strange bed partner. Levi was warm under him, too warm for it to be natural. His skin was soft too, way softer than Eren remembered it to be. Was this because Eren's mind was clouded with desire?

 

“Wait, Eren.” Levi might have sounded a bit out of breath but he recovered and fast. “Damn it, stop,” Levi snapped and slapped Eren.

 

“Ouch! What the hell was that for?” This was not Eren's idea of foreplay. This had to be the first time anyone had slapped him. “You could have just told me to stop,” Eren said, feeling hurt.

 

“I did.”

 

“Oh yeah you did but you slapped me right after!”

 

“Keep your voice down.”

 

“Why, because it's unattractive?”

 

“You learn fast.”

 

Eren rolled his eyes. This guy had to be kidding him.

 

“I wonder if that is your only redeeming quality,” Levi muttered. “Okay, since you are a complete dunce when it comes to mating I'll show you.”

 

Eren didn't need to ask what Levi meant before he was being told.

 

“Take your cock and rub the pre-cum against this area here,” Levi instructed guiding Eren's hand to touch the area between Levi's balls and asshole.

 

“Is this some kind of kink?” Eren wasn't exactly on the map with this but heck, he'd go along with it.

 

“Sort of.”

 

What a cryptic answer but Eren did as he was asked to. What happened next was not anything he thought would ever happen, not even in his wildest dreams. Although Eren hardly had wild dreams to begin with but this started to seem like one. Was he dreaming? He must have been because this was not normal at all. Nothing about this situation was normal to start with.

 

Eren was not sure if he should cry, laugh or shriek. He had only done what Levi asked him to but somehow he felt responsible for what happened. “Eerm, is this normal?” he had to ask, to keep his sanity intact.

 

Levi looked at him like Eren was the odd one. “Of course it is,” said the man whose body had reacted to this 'kink' in a peculiar way.

 

Eren was not sure if he believed his eyes and fingers as he touched the area that he had been told to rub with his cock. What had previously been a smooth part of flesh now had something that should not be there. “I thought you were a man,” Eren said as he tried to comprehend what was happening. Maybe he was on drugs as well? Had Levi slipped him some, whatever he was on, while they kissed?

 

Levi laughed. Yes, now Eren was sure of it, he had been given some sort of hallucinogen type of drug for sure. He didn't have time to ask what Levi thought was funny about his question when the next weird thing happened.

 

Levi's dick fell off.

 

“What the fuck,” Eren squealed like a small squirrel. “Your dick...”

 

“Ah, don't worry, it will grow back.” Levi took the fallen dick in his hand and put it aside.

 

It will grow back? What? Eren looked between the dismembered being beneath him and the fallen dick.

 

“You seem confused, Eren.”

 

What a great assessment that was! “Oh hell, I'm more confused than I've ever been in my whole fucking life.”

 

Levi looked displeased. “I know this is your first time but the education that you have gotten on the subject is disgustingly lacking.”

 

“What?” Eren looked at Levi his eyes wide. “I am not a virgin!”

 

“You don't need to lie to me.” Levi patted his arm in what appeared to be meant as comforting gesture.

 

“I am not lying! What the fuck..”

 

“Yes, that is what we need to do, Eren, so get to it,” Levi urged him on, nudging Eren with his legs.

 

“Eh?” Eren did not even know how he was still hard. Levi seemed to make sure it wouldn't wilt by kissing him again. Definitely there was something strange about his kisses. They made Eren want to have sex with him more than anything else on the world, desire gripping his heart once again. He soon forgot all about the weirdness of the situation when Levi pulled him into that new hole of his.

 

The sensation was the same as if he was having sex with a woman but instead of letting him thrust his hips, Levi had wrapped his legs around his hips and told him not to move. Eren wasn't sure he even could have because Levi had some damn strong leg power, keeping him still.

 

The weirdness did not end there. Even though they were not moving, Eren clearly felt how Levi's insides moved against his dick. Eren was beyond asking questions because Levi kept kissing him, making his head all fuzzy. Their 'mating' as Levi referred to it didn't take long with all the stimuli that Eren got. It was confusing as hell to be feeling his cock being swallowed by something, but what? Eren thought he was better of not knowing exactly what.

 

Eren could swear he saw rainbows behinds his eyelids as he reached his peak. Eren did not know what to call this experience. If anything, it had felt as if he had been receiving a blowjob while furiously making out with someone else. “What the hell did just happen?” Eren asked when he was released from the tight grip of Levi's. He tried to move away but he was stopped by Levi.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

Eren blinked, sitting awkwardly between Levi's legs. “Aren't we done?” He was tired after whatever it was that happened and wanted to get some sleep. This night had been weird. He was probably dreaming. None of this would be real when he opened his eyes in the morning, right?

 

“You are honestly the worst.” Levi pouted.

 

What the hell was it with this guy and his weird behaviour? “What is it now?” Did he see the lower lip of the guy quiver. What the hell? This was one hell of a weird dream.

 

Levi stuck his arms out and Eren took the hint, lowering himself back into his arms, cuddling the weird fellow with fallen dick. Eren was not sure where he had gone wrong in his life to end up like this? Maybe he was too kind hearted to refuse Levi and his need for cuddling.

 

Levi sighed happily, petting Eren's hair affectionately. His change in character was rather disturbing thing for Eren. Things changed way too quickly for Eren to keep up. One minute he had been making out with a guy, then he turned to into some sort of hybrid between a man and a woman, losing his dick!

 

Eren reached for the fallen dick that he knew Levi had put somewhere on the left of them. He took a good look at it. He had to admit that this was the weirdest thing ever happen to him so he was not afraid to ask. “Are you sure it is okay that this fell off?” The said now lifeless organ had hardened into a material that reminded Eren of marble. At least it felt like marble.

 

“Yes, it is part of the mating, you moron.”

 

“Oh,” Eren answered. He still did not understand.

 

“Keep it,” Levi said.

 

“What?”

 

“Keep it.” Levi placed his hand on it. “If you rub it like this,” he demonstrated, moving his hand up and down on it. “I'll come right away.”

 

Eren furrowed his eyebrows. Was Levi serious or making a crude joke? Be as it may Eren was tired and his eye lids drooped.

 

“Sleep, my Eren,” was the last thing he heard Levi say before sleep overtook him.

 

Next thing he knew was Jean poking his shoulder. “Earth to Eren, hel-lo?”

 

“Go away,” Eren grumbled burrowing himself under the covers. Something was not right. The bed was emptier than before. Eren jumped up. “Where.. what?” He rambled as he looked around. He was alone on couch with a slightly worried Jean standing next to it.

 

“Are you okay there, Eren?”

 

“Yeah yeah,” Eren answered absent-mindedly as he tired to figure out had he been dreaming the whole thing that happened last night or not?

 

“Well Connie is ready to put the meat on the grill so get your ass out of bed if you want any.”

 

“Yeah yeah,” Eren said again and Jean gave him one last worried look before he left.

 

Eren fell back on the couch with a huff. Had that guy even been real? It was possible that he had just been scared last night and imagined all of it. Although imagining things in such a detail for such a long period of time seemed impossible. Eren buried his hand under the pillow and something hit his hand. His eyes widened as he realized what it must be.

 

His suspicions were confirmed when he pulled out the fallen dick of Levi. He gulped as he also realized that everything had been real. He was not crazy... or maybe he was and he had carved this dildo out of wood last night under some drug influence. People did crazy things when they were high, didn't they?

 

Just to be sure Eren made his bed, hiding Levi's dick under the covers and pillows hoping no one would go and move them. He dressed hastily and waved his friends by the grill. He shouted to Connie across the yard that he would leave him something to eat too and he rounded the house, making his way to the spot where he had met Levi last night.

 

He stumbled through the thicket in hope of finding out if he had been right. When he found the spot, next to the clearing, there was no sign of anything. If Levi had been lying there, marks of it should be seen but there was nothing. The twigs and vegetation looked untouched. This was not possible. Eren looked around to see if there was anything that would give away that even he himself had been here last night.

 

Nothing.

 

The only proof of Levi's visit that remained was the item that was now hidden under his pillow. The only thing that could bring Levi back to him if Eren ever so wished. But first Eren had to come to terms with the fact that Levi had not been human at all and that could take some time.

 

 

**THE END**

 


End file.
